word of the day

The word of the day is: trampled.
I've been thinking of this word for a couple days now. I've been seeing this word everywhere. It's not like it's written anywhere... but still i see. the world is full of little people with little problems, who use such big words to crush the littleness of another. and it hurts. im so disgusted with selfishness. im seeing it in everyone and the scary thing is that usually what bothers you about someone else's character is what you need to fix in your own. and i know sometimes i am selfish... and it's ridiculous how much self-justification come into play with this issue. i try so hard to pour and pour and pour out my guts for everyone around me and all of me is left trampled. im bleeding more profusely and crying more regularly. i feel like im reaching out a thousand hands in a thousand directions, then everyone of them is left empty. i try to run away from reality... but today it can't be ignored. in so many ways i'm dispensable. so, right now my face is pressed into the dirt and there are footprints on my back, and so badly i want to keep crying and stop trying. but i know i won't. i asked to be used. so now the only thing i can do is step into the fire so that the distortion from the rocks pressing into my face can be washed away by heat. and my heart can be refined so i don't trample anyone else.
and in all of this... the most intense thing is that this word was used by God Himself... in describing Himself... "trample the blood of Jesus underfoot" so, i feel dispensable because of all this trampling... and i haven't felt it AT ALL like He has... and we know that the blood of Jesus is not a DISPENSABLE thing. so neither am i? Jesus was trampled and he just took it... and we get stepped on a little and all of a sudden our selfishness and self-pity are justified... in his own eyes a way seems right to a man...